Week One: Spencer Nose What you Need to Know in Fantasy Football Week 1

BRETT FAVRE:  Sorry to tell you guys who drafted Favre early but the ole' man ain’t coming back in this first week in the NOLA and darting bullets all over the field.  I would recommend benching him in all fantasy formats week 1.  OF COURSE he can grow a huge “cock” and come out and win the game, but only Jenn Sterger and his wife know if that is possible.

CJ SPILLER:  I have been very bitter to this day that CJ didn’t go to the University of Florida and there is a damn good reason.  CJ is an absolute star in the making and the Dolphins will have to make some serious plays in order to keep CJ contained.  Spiller's Shake 'N Bake would make Cal Naughton Jr. proud  

KEVIN KOLB:  Andy Reid loves to the throw ball as much as he loves to eat fried chicken and bratwursts.    Who will benefit from that?  Mr. Kolb will and oh he has the weapons to throw it to in Djax and Maclin with a side of Celek and McCoy.  That is a well balanced meal right there.

SAN FRAN CONNECTION:  Alex Smith, Frank Gore and Michael Crabtree at Seattle….This team is ready to explode.  Obviously we cannot fathom discussing them being in comparison to the Montana, Craig and Rice but I think these kids are all going to have a lovely fantasy season and I see success in their near future.  PS….they have the best linebacker in the game, Like Arnold, what you talking bout (Patrick) WILLIS.

 RODDY WHITE:  Roddy Rowdy Piper will get as many as looks as Hulk Hogan gets chances to prove his consciousness.  He will be able to flourish against a weakened PITT secondary.  I expect a 100 yard + game with a TD in there.

TOM BRADY:  Tom Brady is going to be like Hansel this year…HOT!  And yes, I mean that on the field too.  If you drafted Tommy Boy this year, you will be in for a great ride. 

WEEK 1 MUDBOWL:  Cleveland at Tampa.   Honestly, if you have more than 1 starter in this game and you have the need to watch it for your fantasy team, I feel bad for you.

KANSAS CITY: DO NOT FEAR THE CHEIFS.  Charlie Weis is not a head coach as we all know but he is a damn good offensive coordinator.  Matt Cassel has shown he has the skills in the past and now his team has weapons.  Jamal Charles, Dwayne Bowe, Thomas  Jones and company will prove that this team belongs in the discussions for one of the AFCs top offenses by the end of the season.  I believe the power combo of Weis and Cassel will flourish...look out for it!

I HATE PEYTON MANNING:  But god damn he can play.  Expect Indy to score 28+ points a game with Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark and Broseph Addai getting a lot of the touches from Manning.  Just don’t get too excited for the Colts.  What is worse than having to bench your starting QB in the fantasy finals because his team benched him after locking up home field advantage throughout the playoffs?

GOOD LUCK:  I wish all fantasy  football players the very best of luck when it comes to your health with week 1 in particular.  I just hope you don’t have the next Tom Brady of a few years ago or Anthony Gonzalez of last year incidents that immediately put you behind the 8ball.

Final Thoughts:  If you are in your fantasy baseball playoffs, best of luck.  Pray with me that Josh Johnson's back can become loose like Paris Hilton's been for years. (snort another one honey)